Committed Relationships & Attraction

Happy couple outdoorsMost people would say that when they entered their committed relationship they were attracted to their partner.  The question is what do people say when they have been in a relationship for awhile?  And the bigger and more interesting question is what do people say and do when they are attracted to people outside their relationship?  Most people know that over time a committed relationship changes as stress increases in the form of financial obligations, the arrival or departure of children or  jobs change or physical appearances change. Life just happens!  Are you still attracted to your partner or are things different?  Do you find yourself looking outside your relationship?  Do you know what to do if you find yourself looking outside of the relationship? Is attraction outside your committed relationship normal?  Is flirting harmless?  Can attraction outside your committed relationship improve your relationship?

Everyone knows that relationships take work.  Serious work to maintain and even more work to enhance.  Many people get comfortable in their relationships and begin to take each other for granted.  The little things start to slip and sometimes even the big things start to slip.  Communication declines.  Intimacy declines.  What was once great is not so great.  Enter a new person who is attractive and likes to flirt.  The perfect storm for ruining a committed relationship if you let it.

So what to do….

  • Ask yourself some serious questions.  What do I need that I am not getting from my relationship? What am I getting from the flirtation? What is missing from my life outside of my relationship? Is this a pattern for me or something new?
  • Talk to your partner.  Don’t start with telling them about the flirtation.  Talk about your relationship.  Find out how your partner is feeling about the relationship.  Express your feelings about the relationship.  Be open and honest.  This can be hard.
  • Seek help from a qualified professional.  Talk to someone individually first if necessary to help you clarify your feelings.  Friends are sometimes not the most optimal sources of information and advice.  If necessary go to  counselling with your partner.
  • If you decide to take the flirtation to the next level then consider ending your current relationship before starting something new.  Respecting your current partner and your relationship will go a long way towards smoothing out whatever comes next with this person  (i.e. co-parenting).

If you would like to talk to Annette Poechman about this issue or any issue please call her at 905-520-5859 or click here to email her.  She is a registered psychotherapist who understands that issues like this one are not easily resolved.  She can work with you individually or as a couple.

Listen. Guiding. Caring.