As an experienced therapist who has worked with many people with complex PTSD, I wanted in this blog to explore the challenges faced by those individuals who have experienced the long term trauma of child abuse. To do this, I have chosen to write blog in the first person. It represents a compilation of ideas expressed by those people who have experienced such trauma.
Why can’t I remember? I have complex PTSD and I can’t remember the details of what happened to me. People ask me if I remember and I tell them yes, but there are moments when my brain reaches for the finer details. More importantly why didn’t I remember for all those years? And why do I need to remember now? If I had a choice I would never remember. I worry that I am making it up. The funny or not so funny thing is my body remembers. Flashbacks are a disgusting and terrifying thing. Why can’t I remember? But I do in a way that goes beyond words. If you have ever had a flashback there is no doubt. Until there is, because it is so incredibly horrifying that another human being could do that. There is no understanding.
I didn’t remember for so many years because I have parts. No, that doesn’t make me ‘Sybil’ a character with multiple personalities from a movie in the 1970s. My parts were created during moments when the trauma was too much for me. They had a purpose and a job, but this doesn’t make me like them. It can be confusing at times because the parts are all part of me. I don’t tell anyone that I have parts. Most professionals trained to deal with trauma don’t understand my parts. It’s a secret like the trauma was a secret. I have complex PTSD. You wouldn’t know that I do or you might if you cared to look. I could be anyone you walk past. Trauma knows no boundaries.
It’s complex. It’s unbelievably painful. It’s incredibly difficult.
It is also something that can you can overcome. Something that you can move through. Something that you can learn to live with.
The trauma changed your life. Treatment will change your life. When you are ready to take that step contact Annette. She is qualified and experienced to work with individuals who have varying levels of trauma. Listening. Guiding. Caring.