Supporting someone you love who is living with PTSD is one of the most challenging and selfless things you can do. You may feel helpless, frustrated, or shut out — and those feelings are completely understandable. The good news is that there are practical, evidence-informed ways to help. This page offers guidance for partners, family members, and friends of people experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) — including what to say, what to avoid, and how to look after yourself in the process.
Are There Ways to Help Someone With PTSD or CPTSD?
- Don’t take symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder personally: It can be very hard not to take your loved one’s behaviour personally. They will have good and bad days, and you may think it is something that you have done. It is not something you have done or not done. Someone with PTSD will get triggered sometimes with no obvious cause.
- Be supportive and encourage social engagement: Individuals with PTSD or CPTSD may socially isolate themselves. Encouraging individuals to go out and interact with family and friends will be challenging. The most common phrase you might hear is “I don’t feel like it.” Balancing encouragement and respect for a person’s choice is tricky but can be done.
- Understand that talking about trauma may not be helpful: Individuals with PTSD or CPTSD may not want to talk about the trauma. It may be triggering and they may not want to traumatize you by sharing their experiences. Pressure to share their experiences will result in the individual shutting down and pushing you away. It is enough to just be with the person and available to listen when needed.
- Work on developing trust: Trust is developed with consistent behaviour and structure. You may be the only person that is trusted and that brings with it a lot of pressure. Pressure to always be on and do the right thing. You don’t have to be perfect, just consistent. Regular routines, expressing your commitment to the relationship, and being predictable will lower anxiety for the person with PTSD.
- Help the individual manage triggers: Triggers can be external (sights, sounds, smells or anniversary dates) or internal (physiological states and emotions). Whenever possible discuss potential triggers with the person who has PTSD and develop a plan to help. Understand that even with a plan individuals will get triggered and the recovery time will vary depending on the nature of the trigger.
- Self-care: If you are supporting or living with someone with PTSD/CPTSD please make sure that you build self-care into your daily activities. Recovery from these disorders is a lengthy process and your support is important to that recovery. Self-care is different for each person. Self-care needs to start with the basics of eating, sleeping and exercise. If you are having problems with self-care and would like support please reach out to book an appointment. (insert link here for booking)
Learn as much as possible about PTSD and CPTSD from the PTSD Association of Canada
For partners and families of first responders or military members, supporting someone with PTSD or CPTSD can involve an additional layer of complexity. If your loved one is a police officer, firefighter, paramedic, or military member, Annette has specific training and experience in first responder and military mental health — and can support both the individual and their family.
If your loved one is ready to seek support, Annette Poechman is a Registered Psychotherapist and Trauma Therapist with over 25 years of experience. A free 15-minute consultation is available — a low-pressure first step to understand whether Annette is the right fit.
If you are a supporter who is struggling yourself — you also deserve support. Annette works with individuals navigating the effects of a loved one’s trauma and can help you find your footing again. Get in touch!
To understand more about what PTSD and CPTSD is and how it affects your loved one, see Annette’s PTSD and Trauma Counselling page — it covers the types of events that cause PTSD/CPTSD, the full range of symptoms, and the treatments available.
Listening. Guiding. Caring.
